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Topic: Antijokes - a stillborn thread!

Väinämöinen
VoivodFan
Member # 27

posted January 09, 2004 05:45

Okay folks, since our Jokes Thread has grown so big, I thought we'd need a counteractive thread just for the sake of balance. We need antijokes! Here's the first (and last?) antijoke (AJ):

What's the difference between a frying pan and the hand of a beautiful lady? The pan makes eggs soft, while the hand makes them hard!

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Tomorrow is the fear
Tomorrow disappears
Tomorrow is the fear
We are connected...

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 09, 2004 09:20

Man: Doctor, My dog has no nose.

Vet: How does it eat it's beans?

Man: It doesn't, it puts them back in the tin.

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Hail Santa...

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h
VoivodFan
Member # 8

posted January 09, 2004 09:40

Q: What's red and white?
A: Pink.

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vroomfondel
VoivodFan
Member # 139

posted January 09, 2004 11:51

- What do you call a fly with no wings?
- A walk.

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"Sir, we are surrounded!
- Excellent, then we can attack in any direction!"

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Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28

posted January 09, 2004 13:31

Yeah. Okay. How do you put five elephants inside a VW Beetle?

A: Two in the front seat, the other three on the back seat.

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"Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)

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AngelRat
VoivodFan
Member # 88

posted January 09, 2004 18:25

Kid 1: 'Mum and dad were having fellatio in the kitchen!'
Kid 2: 'What's a kitchen?'

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"Appearing like Ra"

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 09, 2004 19:19

Q: What's red and isn't there?
A: No tomatoes

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Hail Santa...

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 09, 2004 19:21

Bloke walks into a pet shop. 'Do you sell wasps?' He asks.
'No', replied the shopkeeper, looking puzzled.
'Well, you have three in the window'

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Hail Santa...

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Väinämöinen
VoivodFan
Member # 27

posted January 10, 2004 08:17

Great AJs! The smile on my face is already waning!

Q: What's this: it's blue and sticky, it hangs from the living room ceiling and it likes to sing arias in a loud, shrill voice?

A: A dead herring covered in wet blue paint. The rest was just a distraction.

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Tomorrow is the fear
Tomorrow disappears
Tomorrow is the fear
We are connected...

| IP: Logged

KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 10, 2004 12:41

Q: What's black and white and if it fell out of a tree onto your head it would kill you?

A: A piano

Two elephants fell off a cliff......BOOM BOOM!

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Hail Santa...

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vroomfondel
VoivodFan
Member # 139

posted January 10, 2004 17:19

Q: What's brown and sounds like a bell?

A: Dung

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"Sir, we are surrounded!
- Excellent, then we can attack in any direction!"

| IP: Logged

h
VoivodFan
Member # 8

posted January 13, 2004 06:29

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

a-ha ha ha hmmmm...

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ShredTilDead
VoivodFan
Member # 392

posted January 15, 2004 15:06

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

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My head explodes, my ears ring, I can't remember just where I've been.

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Väinämöinen
VoivodFan
Member # 27

posted January 18, 2004 04:32

What did Tarzan say to Jane when the elephants came down from the mountains?

-Jane, look, elephant come down from mountains!

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Tomorrow is the fear
Tomorrow disappears
Tomorrow is the fear
We are connected...

| IP: Logged

Juan87
VoivodFan
Member # 87

posted January 18, 2004 04:42

Man wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror, and says "God, I look like SHIT!"

God wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror, and says "Shit, I look like GOD!"

HAR HAR HAR!

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vroomfondel
VoivodFan
Member # 139

posted January 18, 2004 15:32

Two idiots were sitting on the floor.
...one fell off.

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"Sir, we are surrounded!
- Excellent, then we can attack in any direction!"

| IP: Logged

vroomfondel
VoivodFan
Member # 139

posted January 24, 2004 10:36

°What goes clop,clop, clop,
bang,bang,clop clop clop?

°An amish drive-by shooting

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"Sir, we are surrounded!
- Excellent, then we can attack in any direction!"

| IP: Logged

LyKcantropen
VoivodFan
Member # 162

posted January 24, 2004 11:35

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at you? Run, he's got a grenade.

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 24, 2004 17:09

Two nuns in a bath.

Nun 1: Where's the soap?
Nun 2: Yes it does doesn't it?

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Hail Santa...

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted January 24, 2004 18:40

Q: What's red and lies in the gutter?

A: A dead bus.

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Hail Santa...

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vroomfondel
VoivodFan
Member # 139

posted February 12, 2004 14:11

Q-What's the difference between a porn flick and the spice girls?

A-The Porn has better music.

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"Sir, we are surrounded!
- Excellent, then we can attack in any direction!"

| IP: Logged

Charon
VoivodFan
Member # 396

posted February 12, 2004 16:48

quote:
Originally posted by Knickerzohnonnof:
Two nuns in a bath.
Nun 1: Where's the soap?
Nun 2: Yes it does doesn't it?

Is it me....or does that not make any sense?

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted February 12, 2004 18:10

Think of another word that sounds the same as 'where's', but means something slightly different...then have another look

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Hail Santa...

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted February 12, 2004 18:58

Two chimpanzees in the bath

One says 'ooo ooo ooo AAA AA AAAAAAHH!

The other one says 'Well if it's that hot put some cold water in'.

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Hail Santa...

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KnickerZohnonnof
VoivodFan
Member # 272

posted February 12, 2004 19:02

Today's other news...

There was a rather bizarre crime today, when somebody stole all the toilet seats from the police station conveniences. Police they they have nothng to go on...

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Hail Santa...

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All times are ET
This topic is comprised of pages: 1 2