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Author
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Topic: Hallowed be thy Fender.
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Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28
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posted May 22, 2006 23:53
    
1. IntroductionMalmsteen is the way, the truth and the music. No one is allowed to play guitar if not by his own influence.
Blessed are the ones who listen to Malmsteen, because theirs is the knowledge of music.
Let the one who never rocked to Malmsteen throw the first stone.
Let the Malmsteen mp3s come to me, because I shall listen to them at guitar ecstasy. 2. Genesis And the earth was full of feeling and grove; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
Then Malmsteen said: let there be shredding. And let it divide the feeling from the shred.
And there was arpeggios from hell and trilogy suite. And Malmsteen saw that it was good, and rejoiced. And the evening and the morning were the first day. 3. The Temptation And Malmsteen was playing guitar for 40 days in the desert, and then came Slash, the devil, to make him fall into temptation.
And Slash said: the feeling and the groove will I give thee, and the adoration of the histerical jerks, if thou play slow.
Malmsteen then shredded and cried, with voice of thunder: NOT ONLY OF FEELING SHALL LIVE THE GUITARRIST, BUT OF ALL THE ARPEGGIOS AND SWEEPS THAT COME FROM MY GUITAR. 4. Repulse to Profanation One day, at the Easter celebration, Malmsteen went to Jerusalem. And there were gathered in the temple all the feeling and groove followers, selling semiacoustics and Les Pauls at the doors of the Temple, spreading the word of feeling and all kind of profanation. Malmsteen pulled out the strings from his guitar and made a whip out of them, and expelled the feeling from the temple, yelling: MY HOUSE IS A PLACE OF SHREDDING, NO FEELING SHALL BE ADMITTED HERE! 5. The Creation of the Creator And the mother of Malmsteen was alone in her house, absorbed in musical thoughts, when an angel came from the sky and said:
BLESSED ARE THOU AMONG WOMEN, BECAUSE THOU SHALT GIVE BIRTH TO THE LORD OF GUITAR.
Malmsteen’s mother said: but who am I, just a swedish woman, to be worthy of such honour?
The angel then said: FEAR NO MORE, BECAUSE BLESSED IS THE FRUIT OF THY WOMB, AND THOU SHALT CALL HIM YNGWIE, WHICH MEANS: "THE CHOSEN ONE OF METAL" 6. The Wisdom and Serenity of Yngwie Before the Conspiracy of the Profane The disciples were gathered at the synagogue, listening to Malmsteen and rocking out. But fear was at their hearts, because the followers of feeling and groove were conspiring to kill them.
Then the prophet said: have no fear, followers of the King. As long as there is shredding in thy guitars and Metal in thy hearts, thou shalt never be beaten by the infidel.
And then came sacred fire from the sky to burn the heretic, and the disciples were blessed with the gift of virtuose. 7. The Conclusion And Yngwie was condemned to carry a scaloped cross, with earplugs with thorns in his head, with a Guns and Roses CD playing in loop. At 3 pm he gave up, but not for all eternity. Then all the music stores closed, all the amps crashed, and guitar strings broke. It was then that the followers of the feeling and groove all bowed and said: “-He was in fact the God of Guitar”. Let Malmsteen be with thou. Amen. -------------------- "Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)
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Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28
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posted May 23, 2006 10:25
quote:
Originally posted by escubria:
You need a life.
Our fellow Voivodian escubria is trying to build a carrer of insulting people here. He needs to try harder, though, he's not succeeding. Oh, Seb, I got it from a brazilian Metal website. Did the translation by myself. -------------------- "Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)
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Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28
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posted May 23, 2006 23:30
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Originally posted by escubria:
Wasn't an insult, I'm sad that you were insulted. I am just concerned for your mental well being.
Oh. Oh! Why, thanks for the concern! In fact I do feel in need of some rest lately. I was thinking of a 5-star hotel in Cancun. I'll e-mail you my bank account later, for money purposes. BTW, don't you call me dick, Uffe!  -------------------- "Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)
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posted May 23, 2006 04:39
posted May 23, 2006 15:05
posted May 24, 2006 04:43
