|
Author
|
Topic: 1001 uses for pants
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Head Villain
VoivodFan
Member # 524
|
posted February 16, 2005 09:41
    
Hmmmm, yes, I really shouldn't have admitted to that. This is doing nothing for my property value, heeeheee. Never mind, at least i still have most of my own teeth.  More pants-related duck shenanigans... When i was living on a boat, a duck made a nest on it out of a pair of pants. For which i was extremely grateful!!
A, er, "friend" of mine had stayed over & had insisted on washing his pants in my sink & hanging them to dry from the flagpole of my boat. Why I don't know. Guess he wanted everyone to think I was shagging him, kind of a sad attempt at "marking his territory".. anyway it wasn't long before a duck had pulled them down & made a nest with them. I was pissing myself!!!! She came back & nested in the same spot every year after that.
Anyone else had a knicker-thieving, mind-reading pet duck??
-------------------- String em up
| IP: Logged
|
|
Imran X
VoivodFan
Member # 17
|
posted February 16, 2005 17:43
Something happened about a year ago when I first started seeing the girl Im with now. I went to her house for dinner, we ordered Thai food and sat down to eat. I had some vegetable dish that was pretty spicy, I'm accustomed to spices and everything but this particular dish made my stomach grumble and feel all funny. Anyway mid way through the dinner my stomach really started to feel funny and I realized that I simply had to shit, there was no way around it. I thought to myself that there is no chance in hell that Im going to shit in her bathroom, after all I had just started seeing this girl, what kind of an impression would that have made. So I decided to tell her that after dinner I was going home to shower, to freshen up before we went out that night: she agreed. A few minutes later my stomach went balistic and I knew that there was no way I was going to make it home so I asked her if I could shower in her place to save time and what not, but all I really wanted to do was run the shower so she couldnt hear anything and then I could shit in peace. Once again, she agreed. I finished my meal and I was getting very nervous because all of a sudden I felt that I just couldnt hold it in anymore so I said, "Hey I have to pee, lemme get a towel" etc etc. She, in her joking little cutsey way started asking me things like, "What soap do you want...what colour towel do you like" and there I was getting a bit angry with her. I said "It doesnt matter, I gotta pee real bad so hurry up"
My sphincter took on a life all its own, it was as if it had a vendetta against me because as soon as she walked out I went to unbutton my trousers and pull them down, it was too late. I let loose the biggest, mushiest shit Ive ever seen in my life, my underwear caught it all, miraculously none of it got on my pants. I sat on the toilet and almost started crying, thinking to myself, "What the fuck?!?! This only happens in movies!! What the fuck am I going to do now?" I was utterly mortified so I got in the shower and washed my underwear and cleaned myself off.
When I got out I asked her if she had an iron I could use and she was all suspicious, she asked me, "What happened, did you have an accident?" My reply was, "Yeah right, I shit in my pants" (a tone that indicated that no such thing could ever take place). I told her that I had my underwear hanging on the rod that goes from wall to wall in the shower cause I didnt want to put it on the floor and it fell into the shower and got all wet so I had to iron it & she asked if I normally iron my underwear. I said, "of course, dont you?!" She said I was a weirdo.
Ive no idea whay Im telling this story, I guess it has to do with my pants not getting soiled with my crap & this thread is about pants afterall.
Have any of you ever shat your pants?
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Luna
VoivodFan
Member # 389
|
posted February 16, 2005 20:16
Oh MY Fucking Dog!!Did you ever tell her you shit your *pants*? Would she dump you if she knew? Oh, man, that was a funny story... -------------------- What the fuck is wrong with drinking tea?
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28
|
posted February 17, 2005 08:30
quote:
Originally posted by Imran X:
Have any of you ever shat your pants?
Yes. A month or two ago, at work. I'd share the history, but the trauma is still too recent. *sob* -------------------- "Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Väinämöinen
VoivodFan
Member # 27
|
posted February 18, 2005 18:41
Hahahaha! Great stories! Imran, I can only imagine the agony...but you pulled it off quite nicely I think, hehee!I once had a catastrophic shit-related experience...I was 19, in the army, horny as hell and on a three-day leave. It was the Midsummer Night, which is when people get absolutely plastered all around Finland and consider sex with strangers as something belonging to the event. So, I met a nice girl in a bar, we talked for some time and later on decided to proceed to her home. Unfortunately I was very hungry and ate a kebab plate on the way...Just when things were starting to heat up between her and me, my stomach turned upside down just the way like Imran described his did. I could not believe it was happening to me, and I couldn't bear to tell her I needed her toilet to let a flock of sparrows fly free. Being drunk, young, inexperienced and seconds away from soiling my underpants, I faltered out something unintelligible, put my clothes back on as quickly as I could and ran for it to a nearby forest. Fresh maple leafs make great toilet paper...I didn't get any stains on my undies, but she got all baffled and upset by my abrupt leaving and I was too ashamed to show my face again. I'm still very mentally scarred and traumatized. Booohooooooo!!! What can we learn from this? Never mix booze and kebab before sex (unless you're aiming for the ensuing effects...  -------------------- Tomorrow is the fear
Tomorrow disappears
Tomorrow is the fear
We are connected...
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
