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Author Topic: Worst Movie?
Emlyn K Helicopter
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Member # 44

posted September 18, 2002 18:29     Profile for Emlyn K Helicopter   Email Emlyn K Helicopter     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Ok, cheap shot. But whats the all-time shitty film you've ever watched?

Anything with Michael Caine in it doesn't count.

I nearly walked out of American Pie 2 as it was so relentlessly shite, but then it got better towards the end.

I stopped the video of Gummo half-way through and wanted to find and kill the fucking scum-cunt who made it, but then I like cats. Seeing depictions of them strung up and beaten is WAY over the line - fuck free speach if it comes to that!

But worst of all?

Well, I though the second Care Bears film sucked compared to the majesty of the original.


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space monger
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posted September 18, 2002 18:49     Profile for space monger   Email space monger     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
this topic is a toughie that requires quite a bit of thought, at least for me anyways. with movies, i'm usually quite skeptical and only watch them if i've heard they're good or read that they are good.

i did (idiotically) waste money on "Dude where's my car?" which reeked like nothing i've seen for quite some time.

also anything with Steven Seagal is not recommended in my books.


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schroeder
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posted September 18, 2002 20:39     Profile for schroeder   Email schroeder     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
oh yeah and then there was that other celluloid piece of shit called...
... MULHOLLAND DRIVE .


Lynch creates this movie (I use that term loosely) that goes NOWHERE and he tries to make you think you're stupid because you don't know what the fuck you just watch and what the fuck it means, and all you can think about is "I can't believe I just wasted over 2 hours of my life watching this shit".

Oh yeah, the other worst movie would be...
... MULHOLLAND DRIVE


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satan
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posted September 18, 2002 20:59     Profile for satan   Email satan     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote

E.T.!!!

I wanted to SQUASH that little Green Bug!


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El Indio
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posted September 18, 2002 20:59     Profile for El Indio   Email El Indio     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
How about
Barb Wire?

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K
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posted September 18, 2002 21:10     Profile for K   Email K     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Any Movies with Sandra Bollock, Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts.


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Greg Gloomp
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posted September 18, 2002 21:23     Profile for Greg Gloomp   Email Greg Gloomp     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
As far as big production film's, Caddyshack II. Has to be.
I've never seen all of it and don't want to.
They replaced Rodney with Jackie Mason and that scored it for me.

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Nuclear Vampire
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posted September 18, 2002 21:47     Profile for Nuclear Vampire   Email Nuclear Vampire     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I'm going to have to agree with King Kula Shaker. I can't fucking stand Julia Roberts. Meg and Sandra are at least nice to look at, but that horse-faced Roberts chick makes me ill. Pretty Woman and that horrible slab of pap The Runaway Bride are pretty damn close to being the worst of all time.

I was going to say that the Police Academy movies are the worst, but even they have a few slightly funny gags in them (like the guy getting his head stuck in the horse's ass).

Then I toght of any number of movies written specifically to cash in on some kind of trend (or start one) like Hot Dog-The Movie (skiing), Days Of Thunder (racing), or that other unbelievably lousy turd Cocktail (also featuring Tom Cruise who is up there in the running for worst big-name actor of all time).
In keeping with that theme, the movie that I deem to be the absolute worst pile of shite ever to disgrace the silver screen would have to be...


Footloose

I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!!!
Close second is Dirty Dancing, followed by Grease and of course Flashdance. My wife loves them and it seems that one of them is on TV at just about any given time. I'll be flipping channels and she yells "Stop!" coz Patrick Swayze is teaching that under age slut how to lambada to some of the shittiest music ever recorded on channel 33. Ugh. Makes my fuckin' balls retract into my gut.

I tink I'm either going to be violently ill, or I'm going to crank up Michael Sembello's "Maniac" and slash my wrists over the toilet.

Btw, I liked Gummo.


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nia
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posted September 18, 2002 21:58     Profile for nia   Email nia     Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
LOL NV!!! I never got the Dirty Dancing bug either.

I liked Gummo too, btw, but then again I'm the one who posted the heinous link to Banzai Kitty...


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Skul
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posted September 18, 2002 22:53     Profile for Skul   Email Skul     Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I hated Mudholland Drive as well, though i knew what to expect when i saw "David Lynch" on the box. And i pretty much watched it on fastforwards the whole time. But i cant think of a really bad movie cuz sometimes it's so bad that it's good (Ghoulies, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, KISS Meets the Phantom of The Park, etc...)

Come to think of it, Vanilla Sky sucked ASS! Lynch can get away with doin' "clever" movies cuz he's fuckin' David Lynch. But Vanilla Sky fails big time at being clever. It,s just wrong.

...and i hated Lord of The Rings, too. Shoot me.

Anything with Steven Segal and Robert Williams has "SUCK" written all over it.


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h
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posted September 19, 2002 05:27     Profile for h   Email h     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Bridget Jones Diary puts all others to shame in this category. I was stuck on a boat from sweden to denmark and there was nothing to do but watch this shit. It makes dirty dancing look like Citizen Kane. I still aim to kill everyone involved in it.
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Marginal
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posted September 19, 2002 09:31     Profile for Marginal   Email Marginal     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
quote:
Anything with Steven Segal and Robert Williams has "SUCK"

For Seagal , it's true . he sucks and he's the master in this . But for Robert Williams , do you mean Robin Williams ? if so , maybe you didn't see dead poets society ?

Worst movie ... errr ... i rented this one like a month ago and it was the biggest BS i've seen in age ! The title : Dark Asylum .. lol ... it's supposed to be a horror movie but the only scary thing in this movie ( there's no fuckin blood in this movie !! ) , is the big fat ugly face of the bad guy . Cameras sucks so much ... BS ...

P.s. Die Chuck Norris !


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Slaytanic
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posted September 19, 2002 09:58     Profile for Slaytanic   Email Slaytanic     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Bicentennial man. They ruined Asimov's story!
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Skul
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posted September 19, 2002 10:31     Profile for Skul   Email Skul     Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Marginal:
[QB But for Robert Williams , do you mean Robin Williams ? if so , maybe you didn't see dead poets society ?![/QB]

Yah i meant Robin (it was late when i wrote that) and yes i did see dead poets society. Hated it.


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nia
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posted September 20, 2002 13:01     Profile for nia   Email nia     Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
The Banger Sisters. I haven't seen it yet. I don't have to.
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X-D
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posted September 20, 2002 13:11     Profile for X-D   Email X-D     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
The Banger Sisters?!?! Yeah, that movie looks pretty bad!

Hey Slatanic, if you wanna see another horrible Asimov film adaption, check out Nightfall!

One of the worst films I've seen recently has to be "Ghosts of Mars"! It sometimes amazes me that John Carpenter has created such good films and so many pieces of shit.


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Ynys Trebes
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posted September 20, 2002 18:18     Profile for Ynys Trebes   Email Ynys Trebes     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
The worse movies I've seen recently are:

1. Moulin Rouge (i stopped the VCR after 45 minutes)

2. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (i know i'm gonna get flamed for this one but I just couldn't stand that flying around)

3. Blade (don't care to see Blade II thanks you very much)

Let the flaming begin!!!


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AngelRat
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posted September 20, 2002 19:49     Profile for AngelRat   Email AngelRat     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
'Dungeons & Dragons'. For anyone reading this who didn't see this atrocity yet: Be Glad. Don't watch. There are better things to do in life than watch this 'MOVIE'. Cutting yer toenails or teaching baboons to play pipe-organ 'par example'.
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Tangento
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posted September 21, 2002 03:15     Profile for Tangento   Email Tangento     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
How about ANY piece of raging SHIT that has a bunch of aging, annoying Diane Keaton types (usually 3 of them) dancing around the room to some hackneyed, overplayed moldy-oldie sung by other annoying women? HUH?
OR any God-forsaken Costner hunk of smugness.
Dis-honorable mention: ANY movie that has jittery, spastic camera movement like those HORRID, trendy commercials in the 80's.

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Mezcalhead
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posted September 21, 2002 06:33     Profile for Mezcalhead   Email Mezcalhead     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
What do you mean, like YAYA Sisterhood(yeah, we know you saw that one Miss Noitall)? Ha, ha.

Mr. Helicopter has started a thread on a quest I started many years ago. What is the worst movie? What characteristics should a movie have to make it not just annoying or trite but downright NASTY. I believe the magic component has to do with the filmmaker. He/she has to be someone who actually believes he/she is constructing an epic. Like they're really adding something to that genre. Now I happen to be a big fan of western movies. I love them all. From the earliest b's to Clint.
What was this thread about? Oh yeah, bad movies. Well, a while back my Pops loaned me a film that I thought from just looking at the cover looked rough but was still watchable.

The name of the film: GRAYEAGLE, directed by legendary western dude Charles B. Pierce.

I pushed play and was immediately delighted to see the old Indian Iron Eyes Cody listed. Ya'll remember him from those anti-littering commercials in the seventies, right, where he starts to cry? Cody plays Standing Bear, a happy go lucky redskin sambo who helps out an old trapper and his daughter on the Wyoming frontier back in the 1870's. What adds to this film is the daughter played by Lana Wood. This has to be the absolute worst performance by a woman in film I've ever seen. She was Natalie's younger sister and also a Playmate(her bod the only asset she had). Anyway, Lana the daughter gets kidnapped from the cabin by the mysterious GRAYEAGLE one day and the shit hits the fan. The ol' trapper and Standing Bear set out to find her and its downhill from there.
You people have got to see this thing. Its incredible in its badness. There are pauses between dialog(fantastic in its pedestrian blandness). The ol' Trapper orders Standing Bear around like a dog. The fight scene between Grayeagle and his nemesis Sklar is a slow motion whirlwind of terrifying horse action on water. Really bad humor by Jack Elam. I could go on and on.
Anybody who wants a copy of this please let me know(Emlyn?) Its great for parties or other social events.

Kula, your copy is being made as we speak.


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nia
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posted September 21, 2002 11:37     Profile for nia   Email nia     Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Actually I didn't see the YAYA Sisterhood or whatever it was called. I can't stand that creepy little Southern actress, Ashley Judd.
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h
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posted September 23, 2002 05:28     Profile for h   Email h     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Hey Mezcal! That movie sounds so bad, it's great. I'm gonna have to check it out! Really shit movies must have no redeeming features! Like Bridget 'fucking awful' Jones.
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K
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posted September 23, 2002 08:26     Profile for K   Email K     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Mezcalhead:

Kula, your copy is being made as we speak.

OMG! So...if its BAD...you think of Emlyn and Kula? hehehehe!
The last Western i saw was 'Young Guns.'

I like Pirate Movies.
I want to make one someday and use Angel Rat as the Soundtrack.
Then i can send coppies to Warcorpse, Noitall and Mezcalhead.


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Emlyn K Helicopter
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posted September 23, 2002 08:29     Profile for Emlyn K Helicopter   Email Emlyn K Helicopter     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
I think we should discount TV-movies, certainly ones where a mother and her teenage son do not much at all for two hours, except in the middle she kind of has an arguement with him, then crys and says shes sorry, and the teenage kid (who in real life would say he hates her and fuck off somewhere else with a big J) hugs her and says everythings going to be alright. Then...ah...another hour of driving round unidentified Middle American town in a big brown car with her horrible 80's overgrown pageboy haircut and sex-less clothing. Cut to scene in huge kitchen with mom baking something while kid loafs in and out being pleasent and respectful (again, this does not happen in reality; Kids are bastards). No sign of Dad, maybe this has something to do with the plot?

Oh jesus horatio christ I've done it now, I'm in that sodden dark hole that TV-movies put you in and you can't get out of for days.

Right, I'm putting some fucking Rainbow on! Looooong Live...Rock & Roll!!!!


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K
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posted September 23, 2002 09:01     Profile for K   Email K     Send New Private Message   Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote
Emlyn...Are you watching the "I Hate Men / All Men are Bad, Evil Rapists" LIFETIME Women's Network?

Nearly every Movie on that LIFETIME Channel...is about some bad Man who is mean to Women.


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